Just trying to take it all in

Lots of time and lots of events have passed since the last time I sat myself down to write. It isn't for lack of material, but because the quantity becomes overwhelming to sort through. In addition, it usually isn't too difficult to convince my lazy self that no one really reads this anyway. However, those are excuses. With blogging comes a certain frustration of trying to capture the sensations that make an event worth recapping. Some moments blow me away such that I have to ask, "how did I get here...could I ever forget this?" Then, hours, days or a month later, I sit with paralyzed fingers, unable to explain the unexplicable details of the landscape, the little jokes that were so funny (before I tried to tell them to someone else), my relationship with whomever I have shared the moment with, or the journey itself. There are things that only can be experienced. When I tell the stories of what happened, I want to relive them and I want the listener to be there so that they could really understand how grand it was. Then there are those moments that are not great. Perhaps awkward, uncomfortable or lonely. I am thankful that now those feelings don't pull me down as heavily as they did at the beginning of the semester, even though they are often caused by the same thing. I still don't understand Italian all the time. I don't get Italian jokes. I could be in a car of Italians and not catch a word. Although more resilient than four months ago, it still hurts a bit when I hear "lei non ha capito = she didn't understand", guess it is a plus that I learned what that meant.

To prevent this post from just being a rant, allow me to include some of the happenings of today.

Today was Letizia's first comunion and I was expected to attend. As (my) mother knows, I have not spent a whole lot of Sunday mornings in a church recently (or any other time of the week for that matter). Therefor, I was a tad nervous about sitting in on mass. Also, let's be honest, I remember quite well having difficulty staying awake during mass as a kid. Today, mass was in Italian so I was bound not to understand a bit (which always makes me a bit sleepy) and I crawled into bed the night before not long before the sun woke up. Fortunately, there was enough to keep my attention. Besides the mass, the whole day became a grand celebration. Extended family and all, we enjoyed, then later lamented full bellies of a complete Italian lunch. Indeed it was elegant, with four different glasses set at each plate and just as many forks and knives. Fortunately for me, the conversation wasn't necessarily as refined and I could casually enjoy the company of the family. Indeed I was able to talk politics, thanks to my Italian politics course - bad grade excluded - as well as more fun topics like backpack travel. The day really did remind me very much of my own first comunion; how I refused to smile in every photo, and how I wore my dress not more than 2 minutes after I returned home from the church in favor of shorts and a t-shirt. To be fair, Letizia seemed glad to exchange her white shoes for converse and dress for a t-shirt as well. Now, at least, I feel a bit more validated that maybe my 9 year old self wasn't so different after all.

I'll try not to wait a month next time :)