Contrasts

My emotions here ride with the weather, I am certain. Walking to class today was absolutely beautiful as the sun shone and the snow melted. Having a few extra minutes to get there, I ventured into some of the smaller streets and let the details and newness excite me. The sun made the colors of the buildings, fruit at the stands, and sky appear so vivid. After class, my mode was changed drastically. Something about that boxy classroom and the black-dressed instructor brings me down. All the little details of language learning get to my head and make me really frustrated. It becomes really difficult to see the positive and remember my motivation for
trying in the first place. If I can't say something along the lines of "If she had wanted coffee, she would have asked for it" in Italian, somehow, my life will go on just fine. English grammar was never my niche, and neither is this. Pesimistic thoughts are fueled by darker skies, cold and dingyness. The walk home from class feels like this all the time. It becomes a 180 to my emotions prior to class. Everything looks dirtier, and I can't help but wonder. Italians seem to be incredibly preoccupied with appearance. They smoke, dress like they care and have a certain way to them. Most of the stores are clothing stores, underwear stores or pastry bars (in which, the pastries are made to look impecable). Italians eat, dress and act like they are trying to prove they are worthwhile. This is fine. What kills me is the environment. Graffitti is on everything, no matter what or how old. Dog feces and urine is constant on the sidewalk under frescoed walls. The air smells dirty and the buildings often appear to be in need of repair...or at least a touch-up. For people to be so concerned with their appearance, yet ignore the appearance of their environment really confuses me.
Every city/country has problems. The grass is greener on the other side. That is what this trip is about. I knew that going in, I just didn't know exactly where the brown patches of grass would be. Going forward, I am going to try and continue finding the secluded streets, the interesting details. Everything else that bothers me needs to be appreciated in its own way, accepted and probably just ignored. I am really hoping to figure out this irony and maybe understand why. Italians at U of I don't seem to understand my appreciation for cornfields either.